Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Hey Bundys, Just How Many Cartoons and Parodies Does it Take?

By Bob Ferris


More than thirty years ago I spent two seasons working as an outdoor educator at a residential camp in Monterey County.  It was tough and rewarding work which put a dozen or so folks in close proximity for a couple of months which is mostly a good thing, but not always.  I remember this one on-site school nurse we had who was a fundamentalist Christian and really a pain in the ass.  He was kind of a bully to kids and was particularly un-liked by many of the two hundred or so middle school-age students that attended each week. It was a problem. One morning this fellow came to the staff dining table at the front of a large hall beaming with a flat cake box in his hands.  When he flicked open the top we all gasped at what we saw.  He gushed and exclaimed that he was so loved that someone baked him a cake shaped like the giant redwood trees we had all around us.  The rest of us understood that the shape was really that of a large red penis—it was a dick not a tree.


Our nurse “friend” clearly did not get the message. The same is true for those at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge, in particular Jon Ritzheimer .  The exact same intention was meant by those sending dildos and other suggestive materials instead of Fritos to the domestic terrorists encamped there.  Now I am not expecting a large amount of sensitivity from someone who once rubbed bacon on a Koran, was kicked out of the US Marines for violation of their tattoo policy, and who threated to arrest a US Senator for treason, but the message has been delivered in so many ways and by so many parties that one wonders how these clowns who are wasting tax dollars, media cycles, and our patience will ever get the message.
“The Bundys are aware that the land they've seized appears to be part of old Mormon territory.” from Bundyland: Two devout Mormon brothers have created a fantasy camp for commandos in Eastern Oregon in Willamette Weekly
So what do you do when you run out of friends?  When you are a child you invent imaginary friends. For an adult this is more difficult but these wayward warriors have accomplished the task by inviting a fake “judge” named Bruce Doucette to their camp.  This is the first step in assembling a fake grand jury and holding a fake trial which will exonerate these silly squatters and charge the real folks at fault—the local sheriff, local politicians, refuge staff and federal prosecutors whose major transgression seems to have been being at the wrong place at the wrong time when this cyclone of insurrection insanity hit town.

Their secondary sin was breathing within the mythological boundaries of Deseret a territory and/or state which never legally existed (1,2,3) and was largely made up of land purchased or gained through treaty by the US with negligible help from the Mormons and no help from the Bundy family who did not arrive on the scene until the 1870s (my family had at least three who served in the Mexican War of 1848 with one of them killed).  And a lot of this was catalyzed by the work of an obscure, Canadian-born former FBI agent and lawyer named W. Cleon Skousen who was a member of the John Birch Society’s speakers’ bureau, a Mormon and founder of the group National Center for Constitutional Studies (formerly known as the Freemen Institute) whose Constitutional pamphlet is carried so prominently by Cliven, Ammon and Ryan Bundy as well as Jon Ritzheimer (1,2,3)   .

So let’s take a moment for a little backstory.  In a move similar to the certificates issued by the Universal Life Church, a number of folks seem to have declared themselves superior court “judges” of the Continental United States of America, though none of them appear to have any experience with law except, perhaps, breaking it (see here).  One of these judges, for example, is in Alaska and named Anna Maria Riezinger.   She recently issued arrest warrants for the President and Congress in December 2015 and caused such confusion that she earned herself a Snopes entry.



Another of these “judges” is a fellow named Steve Curry who is currently presiding and residing in a jail cell in Colorado.  “Judge” Curry seems to have another appellation as he is also known as Meteorite Man  after illegally selling a fake meteorites on E-Bay.   Don’t worry. the judge is doing fine and his wife Sandra has been released from jail after bopping a cop during his arrest, but he does need supplies because he went to jail without sufficient supplies to conduct his business (see above). It does not appear that he needs snacks, however.
“That person identified himself as Bruce Doucette, a Denver resident who has never been to law school or been appointed to a state, county or federal judgeship. "I'm a very honest man with a lot of integrity, also very educated," he told The Denver Post. "I wouldn't credit any institution for the knowledge I have," he said.” In Operation Patriot Rally founder made promises, raised concerns Denver Post 
The judge in question who is going to help those at Malheur, is a person named Bruce Doucette. Although he has no obvious legal experience, he is warmed up and ready to go, because he just got back from unsuccessful efforts to free Meteorite Man from jail in Montrose in December.  Moreover, he was working with Rodger Marsh in November on a situation in Colorado until Mr. Marsh was jailed for parole violations in Texas and Indiana.  And yes I am being sarcastic.  And yes I am making fun of the “judges” and also the fools who have put their faith in folks who quite likely could be crazier than them.

So in closing I will end with one of my favorite Dan Hicks songs that is so appropriate in this context and sets such a perfect tone to these proceedings.  Please enjoy Mr. Hicks and the infamous Lickettes—they are much more worth your attention than these yahoos.




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